Grieving

I didn't think I was asking too much to reach out with a text or two,

but you somehow managed to flip our tragedy to be all about you.

You didn't know what to say or don't know what it's like,

This isn't about you, and I think that's where you lost sight.

It's about the sadness that black and brown people feel,

accepting another black man dead, learning to grieve, and choosing to heal.

But you allowed your discomfort to stop you from picking up the phone

resulting in this friend, this colleague feeling utterly alone

And while alone I replayed in my mind the death of Terence Crutcher,

A man who looks just like my boyfriend, father, and my brothers

I walked into class today, my mind and heart in a different space

feeling like I couldn't bring my sorrow into this place

How could I come and lay my burdens down,

when you somehow turned my tragedy around?

When I told you exactly what I needed was just a moment of your time

You didn't show up for me so I had to pretend that I was "fine".

But I wasn't "fine" then, I'm not "fine" now, and I won't pretend to be.

Next time I just hope that you'll show up for me.