[Sexual] Freedom Ain't Free: I Ain't Sorry For Talking About It

“Sorry. I ain’t sorry. ” -Beyonce

Sexual identity has often been a topic pushed to the wayside– hidden, covered, and washed away in many communities, but I believe it is a part of who we are and should not be silenced. Our attractions, our fantasies, our desires, and our behaviors help to create our authentic self, and I think now is the perfect time to be free.

…but what does the mean to be free, sexually?

I was reading the Peña-Talamantes (2013) article, “Empowering the self-creating worlds: lesbian and gay Latina/o college students’ identity negotiation in figured worlds”, and I learned a great deal about myself, my students that I serve, and the greater community. Here is what I learned about power, privilege, and oppression regarding sexual identity freedom.

1. In society, only some are free.

The ability to express one’s sexual identity openly and authentically is a right and privilege that only some get to exercise.

Familial and community stigmatization is real. Community expectations and one’s religious identity often create barriers, suppressing one’s self expression and authenticity. Some people of the queer community, whom fear safety, disappointment, and disconnection hide, cover, and disregard this aspect of their lives in open, public spaces.

This particularly hit home with the recent tragic mass killings of minority queer persons in Orlando, Florida. The implications are very real… One may be free to live their authentic selves in their own mind, but others believe differently. What a sobering reminder that some still are not free to be in this country.

2. Being free has a price.

Having to live between two worlds is confusing and exhausting.

Some people within the queer community, especially persons of color as described in the article, are constantly having to negotiate between familial expectations and collegiate expectations. The clashing of two environments requires constant adjustment, negotiation, and results in a craving for validation. Living in contradiction (living in the grey) is one way that I related to this article.

Being both white and black racially, it allowed me to attempt to empathize with queer persons who constantly feels at odds living in this world. The opportunity to connect in this way revealed to me the undeniable privilege I have being a heterosexual woman. I have never once felt contradicted in my sexual identity; however, I am quickly reminded of what it feels like navigating in “grey” while the world is binary.

3. You can be free.

Freedom from the narrative of binary sexual identity ideologies and practices can be both literal and metaphorical.

College environments can provide the physical, public open space to be one’s authentic self. Whether that’s with a student group, organization, office or residential space, or with a community of people, college campuses can be physical and mental space to escape from familial expectations. However, we must remember to not assume that a queer person will automatically feel space in these spaces. Sometimes, feeling free and safe means metaphorically. Finding a hobby, or personal space within one’s mind, to relax and be one’s authentic self is another way we see persons within the queer community empower themselves while constantly navigating life in contradiction.

So what can we, as student affairs practitioners do, to empower those in the queer community to be free?

In my opinion:

• Don’t judge the family, community, or culture. Some persons are proud, loyal, and love their families and the culture they were raised. The last thing you want to do is attack one’s upbringing.

• Remember that living free, open, and authentic may not be possible for some, so don’t push the issue of being “out”. “Coming out” is not a beneficial framework to work in.

• Validate feelings (both positive and negative) that one make experience while constantly negotiating identity

• If possible, encourage one to try out public spaces on campus, if available. Do not readily assume that this will be comfortable, and be willing to support your student in any way needed.

• If there’s no physical space to be free, encourage your student to find a personal space or hobby that allows free expression of their authentic self.

Reference:

Peña-Talamantes, A. E. (2013). Empowering the self-creating worlds: Lesbian and gay Latina/o college students’ identity negotiation in figured worlds. Journal of College Student Development, 54(3), pp.267-282.